Creating A Healthier Mindset

Creating a healthy mindset is imperative when you are caretaking or raising a child/adult with disabilities. Throw into the mix a drug-resistant epilepsy with seizures, violence, and mood swings, you have a cocktail for PTSD and severe depression. This often leads to addictions which can pull one into a hole that is so deep it can feel impossible to find a way out.

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I hear well-intentioned people say: “Just think positively and everything will work out”, “Be strong”.  We all know that everything works itself out, however, if one’s mindset is in a depressive state it is impossible to think positively. Telling a person who sits on the kitchen floor holding their child while in a seizure (scared this might be the one that kills them) day in and day out with a few hours of sleep plus dealing with being punched, hit, kicked, or bit is ludicrous. Being strong, in the context people throw out unconsciously means ignoring that deep pain that is lurking beneath the surface so you can hold everything together and keep going. This is not how it works for someone in this position. Most of the time we are on a battlefield. We live in a high state of stress and anxiety every moment of the day. When our loved one with a disability goes into a home, we receive some reprieve from the intense situation, however, we still worry and stress about them receiving the proper care. This is a rough journey no matter how prepared one is: However, it helps when we have the tools to skillfully maneuver through our situations. I am going to share with you some important skills that have helped me shift tremendously.

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Become aware of your wounds, limiting beliefs and behaviors

 The first step in creating a more grounded supportive mindset is to: Identify negative patterns that have been holding you back. There are times that we react from a place of “old childhood” wounding that keeps us stuck in limiting/negative beliefs and behaviors. Take time to reflect on your beliefs, past experiences, and current behaviors that may be impeding your personal growth. Notice how you react to stressful situations or people that easily activate or trigger you. Notice the story and limiting beliefs that are playing on auto piolet in your head when being activated, about yourself and the other person. The limiting beliefs I had about myself were: “I’m not good enough and “There is something wrong with me”. The limiting beliefs I had about others were: “Others are out to get me” and “Others can’t be trusted”. This wasn’t about everyone else; however, it would show up when I was triggered. The belief I had about Life was: “Life is out to get me”. The story I made up was: “I have to work really hard and people please to get what I want while life comes easy for others”. How I was showing up in life was from a small, wounded child that believed she was worthless and not enough. I came to the table with a block wall around me, defensive and taking everything personally. I was in a constant state of victimization. When dealing with highly stressful situations, it is imperative to be present and detached personally otherwise it’s easy to fall down the hole and not find a way out. This can easily cause a mental breakdown.

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Cultivate self-awareness and self-compassion

This begins with reflecting on our feelings and emotions. Becoming aware of how and what we are feeling. Acknowledging those feelings and emotions while navigating those energies without acting upon or from them. Learning to sit with them and be compassionate about what is coming up. One of the first things people tend to do when strong feelings and emotions arise is to react from this place which can cause harm. It’s important to cultivate a container in which to hold these feelings and emotions so they may be expressed in a healthier environment. When we stop running and start showing up for ourselves, we can learn to develop a greater understanding of ourselves, our needs, and our values. This takes the Fight, flight, or freeze out of the equation. We learn to make healthier decisions and show up from an empowered place.

 

Embrace new ways of relating to conflict and triggers

To build a strong foundation of love, integrity, truth, inner power, and freedom you will need to learn new ways of relating to conflict and triggers. Practicing active listening ( internally as well as externally), checking in with yourself to notice how you are showing up(from a wounded false belief or empowered adult self), non-aggressive/abusive communication(open honest respectful communication), taking time to process information( going within and checking where you are being triggered ), reflecting on yourself daily to build an inner relationship of trust, awareness, and compassion( if we don’t have compassion or respect for ourselves, we won’t have it for others) and respect for all involved, being present and never responding to conflict when you are in the wounded self. When we respond from the wounded self, we are not able to see the situation clearly. We are missing vital information which can cause more damage in the long run.  

 We teach others how to treat us by the ways in which we treat ourselves. Getting to know oneself will take time. This is not something we’ve been guided to do in society. We have been taught to think of others above ourselves (this is out of balance if we are not meeting our own needs first), which is like jumping in the water to save someone from drowning when you don’t know how to swim (not meant as being selfish). It is important for our mental health to connect inward and work through unhealthy patterns, beliefs, and behaviors so as to cultivate empowerment from the adult within us, not victimization from the wounded child. The healthier we become mentally the more everyone around us benefits. This takes dedication, hard work, and patience, however, if you are willing to make the commitment you will see how magically life shifts for you. My life has completely changed, and my mental health has become strong and clear. I no longer take things personally or believe life is against me because things aren’t going my way. I know that life is showing up for me and all the breakdowns are for my benefit. Life is happening for me, not to me. We create our lives from a conscious place or an unconscious place. Unconscious creation keeps us stuck in unhealthy patterns and behaviors. We approach every new opportunity with the old mindset which keeps us stuck in a loop. Conscious creation allows us to take those opportunities and turn them into new empowering ways of being. We begin to align and show up from the adult part of ourselves which allows us to walk through more doors to our dreams. Life becomes easier to handle from this place.