Parenting

Parenting is not an easy task. We work diligently to be good parents and do our best to give our children everything we didn’t have. Sometimes we feel guilty knowing that our children have a long hard road ahead of them. There are many of us that have overcompensated in what we believed to be good faith because of the guilt. However, overcompensating by doing everything for your child robs them of their own power, self-respect, and independence (even wheelchair bound and low cognitive functioning). 
The grief that sets in is heartbreaking and may take quite a while to work through. On the outside, we may try to come off as strong and courageous as a way of building a shield that protects us from feeling the deeper pain and suffering that is lurking below. Parenting is not easy in general let alone with a child that is having seizures, health issues, behavioral problems, comprehension deficit, anger and depression, and the list goes on for many of us. 

Guilt is the number one thing that will take you down as a parent. Guilt will push you to do things and overextend your energy to the point of exhaustion. Guilt will crush healthy boundaries, and ruin the relationship with yourself and your family members. Guilt may impede our ability to teach our children important life lessons such as: How to discern abusive behaviors (important that we speak to ourselves as well as our children with respect and honor); How to problem solve for themselves (yes even at 2 years old), meaning how to manage their feelings and self soothe; How to express themselves representing who they really are (not us telling them who they are); How to deal with change because life doesn’t care that our children have disabilities and thrive in structure. Change is inevitable and there is nothing worse for the person involved in that change if they can’t cope because they are lacking those skills. How to have healthy boundaries for themselves and others. How to become more independent (our kids can achieve more than we think they can). These are all true no matter the age or disability. There will be different levels of course that each child experiences. Dignity, self-respect self-love are so important to the well-being of our children.

This means that we need to learn these skills ourselves and throw out the guilt. Learn how to heal and transform ourselves so we can change the patterns that have plagued the generations before us.. We need to break the patterns so that we don’t continue passing them on.

 Most of us are pushed to the limit, especially with multiple children or single parenting. We can’t afford to give away vital energy. It is imperative to be conscious of where we are over-functioning and then make appropriate corrections.