Dealing with a tantrum in the checkout line

As I stood in the checkout line at the grocery store with the clerk asking me how my day was

going while Logan next to me is having a fit because he doesn’t understand what she is saying. He began to yell obscenities at her while throwing a punch at me, I cringed and wanted to scream (Shut the fuck up and stop doing this) as I politely and calmly turn towards him to translate what was being said. The older couple behind us were throwing dirty looks our way and talking about the situation (as they had no clue how many times a day I had to deal with this shit for weeks after seizures). I smiled at them thinking,” Oh God I could really use a glass of wine and a chocolate bar right now”. I felt a bit of embarrassment wash over me (trust me Logan has spent a great portion of his life embarrassing the hell out of me which always surprises me that there is any left) and a slight well up of tears rose to the surface. I apologized to the clerk explaining that he is special needs and just came out of seizures. The clerk shot me a funny look and pushed the bags towards me. Logan was also purchasing food with his EBT card but by then he was so worked up and not wanting to pay for his stuff (he wanted me to buy it) so I let him know that he could leave without the items, or he could pay and bring them home. He yelled some more, hit me in the arm and threw his card at me. Now I was pissed off because I had been dealing with challenging behaviors for over 10 days and was exhausted from not sleeping for 12 days during the seizures and Logan trying to take off between the seizures. I remained composed and calm picking up the card and paying. I grabbed our stuff and left as quickly as possible with Logan in tow still ranting.

As soon as we were outside, I turned to him and told him that if he ever hit me again that would be it for me. I made the promise to myself in that moment that I would no longer endure that abuse. I have dealt with it for the past 10 years and was finished being a punching bag. The tears started rolling down my cheeks as I felt that I had finally chosen my wellbeing and guilt was nowhere around. Logan began to apologize profusely. I finally realized in that moment that our lives were going to change. I prayed to God for complete surrender, courage, bravery, trust and faith moving forward.

For those of you that haven’t read about Logan before; He is 25 years old with a rare brain and seizure disorder and a cognitive level at 7 years old. For all those parents in this similar situation: I see you and you are in my heart. Know that you are never truly alone as we travel together lighting the path ahead for one another. Much love and many blessings.

Wendy